My cat is a delinquent

 Nathan, guess who just staggered in the door? Your bird. My cat. They look like they've been out drinking. Delphine's fur is sticking up in places and Bella is serenading her in Italian. Sounds like La Traviata...

...I just patted them down. I found a catnip leaf stuck under Bella's wing, they're both covered in pollen, and there's grape juice stains on Delphine's paws.

This is why I don't have children of my own. I'm a bad parent. A terrible example. Where did I go wrong?